Nothing But The Truth

[Angela]

Pro změnu něco veselejšího. Skutečné dialogy, nikoliv z Evropského soudního dvora, nýbrž z amerických soudních síní.

CLERK: Please repeat after me: „I swear by Almighty God …“
WITNESS: „I swear by Almighty God.“
CLERK: „That the evidence that I give …“
WITNESS: That‘s right.
CLERK: Repeat it.
WITNESS: „Repeat it“.
CLERK: No! Repeat what I said.
WITNESS: What you said when?
CLERK: „That the evidence that I give …“
WITNESS: „That the evidence that I give.“
CLERK: „Shall be the truth and …“
WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth!
CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: „Shall be the truth and …“
WITNESS: I‘m not a scholar, you know.
CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: „Shall be the truth and …“
WITNESS: „Shall be the truth and.“
CLERK: Say: „Nothing …“
WITNESS: Okay.
Witness remains silent.
CLERK: No! Don‘t say nothing. Say: „Nothing but the truth …“
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK: Can‘t you say: „Nothing but the truth …“?
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK: Well? Do so.
WITNESS: You‘re confusing me.
CLERK: Just say: „Nothing but the truth …“
WITNESS: Is that all?
CLERK: Yes.
WITNESS: Okay. I understand.
CLERK: Then say it.
WITNESS: What?
CLERK: „Nothing but the truth …“
WITNESS: But I do! That‘s just it.
CLERK: You must say: „Nothing but the truth …“
WITNESS: I WILL say nothing but the truth!
CLERK: Please, just repeat these four words: „Nothing“, „But“, „The“, „Truth“.
WITNESS: What? You mean, like, now?
CLERK: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.
WITNESS: „Nothing. But. The. Truth.“
CLERK: Thank you.
WITNESS: I‘m just not a scholar.



Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.


Q: Is your appearance here this morning due to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


Q: What gear where you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.


Q: How far apart where the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.